Comparison Is The Thief Of joy

Am I a bad person because I look at the likes on each post before the content?
Whenever I see somebody my age who is successful, i immediately get a drop in the pit of my stomach.  I’m not the jealous type.  Once the initial feeling takes hold I’m proud of them.  Especially if they’re a friend I’m happy for them.
I can honestly say I have never hated anyone in my life (well perhaps that’s dishonest!).  But I have no malicious intent towards anyone who goes out there and gets it.  I think when you know what you are capable of, seeing other people is like a mirror to your own achievements.
This is why I stopped using facebook.  Not the only reason, one of the contributing factors.  It’s why I stopped listening to podcasts I enjoyed.  I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
It just brings up all the time I’ve wasted messing around.  Well it’s not time wasted….more invested….still every picture and video I see is another reminder.
How long can you stay feeling bad?  Quite a while I reckon – I’ve done a good job these past 2 or so years.  Feeling bad I don’t have a book.  I don’t have a consistent book.  I gave up on my podcast.  I don’t have a business.  I stopped boxing when in first year of University.  That I let my football career end when my knee blew out.
And feeling bad that the people I came up with are soaring and I’m crawling.
As I write this I can see how fucking stupid this is – you don’t need to tell me.  I won’t lie and say that comparison is not an automatic impulse.
I know the old adage of work on yourself and concentrate on what you’re doing – still it’s not like some utopian world where that impulse doesn’t strike.
Now do I continue to feel bad – or do I sit down and do the work anyway?  I hate (oops lied!) cliches…because they’re true.
Crying over spilt milk
Stay in your lane
Run your race
All that jazz (See what I did there!)
I like to create the story that I’ve invested this time.  I think of myself as an adventurer….meant to see feel the depths of humanity to share what I’ve learnt with the world.
Because as that impulse comes on, I look at the people I have around me and the things I have achieved and I’m proud.  Truth be told, I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone.  Yeah I’m not rich, don’t have a job, house, girlfriend (where’s the good news!!??)…..
But I have a perspective.  A way of seeing the world.  I have a direction.  A calling.  I can write.  I can write bloody well.
What I’ll write that’s another story.  But I want my words to make a difference.  And I want to transform lives.  And bring something new to the game.
So congratulations to all the players – in the game or not.  I’m happy for the motivation.  Feeling bad and comparison stealing my joy are no longer possible