Do You Have To Die Before You Live?

I’d started smoking again. It was my delaying tactic.  Hmm should I start writing or should I take an ‘inspiration’ walk?

I’d gone too far this time. Disgusting greyish phlegm now came out of my throat as I dashed back and forth from the bathroom like a basketball player.

It was like I was being punished, like God was saying ‘Should’ve done the work, now look at ya!’

Procrastination is often called a disease. It’s insidious in its nature.

It starts with something small then envelopes your whole life.

You get to a point where running away is now harder than actually doing the work. 

When I was at my lowest, that was the moment that I wanted to do the work. When I was struggling to take two breaths in a row I realised the futility of running away.

Where was I going anyway? It always led back to the same point.

Many studies have shown that when patients find out they are going to die is when they really begin to live.

When they begin to do those things that really matter to them.

The meaningless worries of the present moment is zoomed in 100x. The preciousness of time has a microscope on it.

In my previous job I used to go schools and talk to kids about options after school. I’m 26 now and think back to when I was there age. It seemed like school would never end.

Now it’s 10 years later, it’s surreal.

All it shows is time is fleeting. It’s like a relationship – sometimes you give space though when you’re together you get lost in the moment.

Gaining that perspective has been difficult.

Sometimes you might have to go to an incredibly painful place.

But don’t be afraid to die.

Because maybe that’s what you need before you truly live.

Peace,

Dubem Menakaya